Let's Not Get Religion Involved
by sweet-and-simple
Summary: God is a woman and She has fearsome boobs.  Demon Gaara/Angel Lee, Demon Naruto/Angel Hinata, SaiSakura, KisaIta, some bad humor.
1. Heaven is under our feet

God is a woman and She has fearsome boobs.

Lee knows because he's trying his hardest to look past them to the face beyond and yet it is so… difficult. He doesn't even understand the human fixation over the modified sweat glands, all he knows is that the mountains on earth are most likely made in imitation of God's bosom.

**Oi, brat! Did you hear me?**

He nods, even though he actually didn't, but he fears his Mother as any good boy should. "YOSH!"

**Then what did I say?**

"You said something very important!"

**And that was…?**

"… I… I do not know."

**Ignorant child!**

"Forgive me!"

God sighs and shifts and Her eyes manage to find the boy's. **You have been assigned a partner. Good luck, don't let me down, keep the universe safe, make sure good and evil stay in balance, don't get killed, blah blah blah, you've heard it all before. Now GET TO WORK.**

Lee is literally blown out of the alternate dimension of Heaven into the reality of mortal existence and then he's falling uncontrollably towards nothing. The earth is somewhere to his left, Uranus is somewhere much further off, and he knows that many, many, many light-years from where he is rests a planet where high intelligent life form have come to the decision of _not_ revealing themselves to the Human Race for the sake of everyone's sanity.

And then a rip is formed in the fabric of space time continuum and he falls through that too. When he manages to get his wings under him, it's only in time for him to narrowly avoid a hairy flying eyeball that spins midair to glare sourly at him.

"Forgive me! It is my first day and I am very nervous to meet my part-…ner…" The eyeball obviously doesn't care because it's already gone before Lee can even blink. "Erm, have a good day! I mean, night! … I do not know."

How can he? The sky of this dimension is a crimson red and he sees the fiery flames of Hell to one corner of it, a horrid creature lurks in the skeletal plains to the East, in the West is a field of ice and snow, and then the South shows many a strange torment that confuses the angel. Between the four directions are even stranger sorts of punishments and unforgiveable wastelands but Lee only as to look straight down to find what he has been looking for. Between all of these places where the damned go, meeting in the heart of a dimension that has so many names, veins leading to it in blue and red and magma yellow, is a palace made in parts of bone, ivory, obsidian, skin, alabaster, and other things.

Lee doesn't often give into fear. But now, in this moment, he is willing to try and find an exit. This place isn't going anywhere, it's been here since before the beginning of time, before there was even a _beginning_, and he can surely come back sometime later…

Except something grabs his wing.

_Where do you think YOU'RE going, hm? _

Everything after that moment is a whirlwind of motion that Lee can not keep up with and then he's kneeling on a floor made of skulls and volcanic rock and there are slivers of ice sticking up like stakes.

In front of him is a throne made of body parts. A human arm here, a Martian's head there, a Sasquatch's foot down here… It is the strangest piece of furniture Lee has ever seen and he hopes it is the last time he sees it.

_Gifts from the "Devourer". Don't look so disgusted, it's very comfortable. _The person seated on this mound of rotting flesh wears a mask and not an inch of skin shows through His black attire. _So you've graduated, have you? It's your time to gather souls now, is it? Well, have I got the partner for you, child!_

"I would hope so, sir!" Lee chirps. "That is what I am here for." He eyes the servants lined horizontally to the chair suspiciously. One of them looks like Adolph Hitler but Lee is pretty sure that man never wore a maid's outfit in life. The late Fuhrer keeps his eyes to the floor and doesn't dare look up.

_You were going to run away though, weren't you?_

Everything this creature says strikes Lee as a rhetorical question but he was raised to answer obediently. He looks away from Katherine Knight, who stands next to an extraterrestrial purple thing that she does not at all seem fond of. "I was planning on coming back at a later time, sir!"

_I see no better time than the present, do you?_

"Now that I am here, I suppose not, sir!"

_Call me Tobi, would you? Everyone else does._

Lee is almost positive that is a lie. With the hundreds of names this entity has surmounted, this is the first time Lee is hearing _Tobi_. But he is hardly in any position to tell Him what His name is. "Okay, Tobi!"

_Do you always speak in exclamation marks? Don't answer that. Anyway, look! Your partner in crime arrives! Late, I might add. Why are you always so late, you naughty little demon?_

Lee's wings flutter with interest and he turns around to catch his first glimpse of his partner. All he sees is a sandstorm coming straight at him. It is rather exciting, he has to admit, as he shoots up into the air and then careens dangerously close to Josef Stalin as a rope of sand slaps him down.

Why does He keep the most evil beings in all of Creation with him? Lee doesn't really want that question answered so he keeps it to himself and dodges a low hit, somersaults off a wall, and dives straight into the middle of the sand storm.

He rolls out of it, wings folded protectively around him and his attacker. The sand storm comes to a screeching halt and Lee swears he can hear the ominous hordes of grain hiss and growl _purposefully_ at him.

_Now, Gaara, I know you're not pleased with this but you simply have no choice in the matter! I picked your name out of this hat, see? _He holds up a top hat with the top cut out, reaches into it, and pulls out a burnt slip of paper where GAARA is written in large, blocky letters. _Behave, would you? The poor boy's new, he's dazed and confused, and he did manage to get through your sand, so I would keep that in mind before you go off and try to kill him again… oh, dear, is that boy okay? Do we even have emergency first aide for angels down here?_

Lee doesn't mean to worry Him so much. It's just that… this is the scariest thing in all of Creation that he has ever seen.

Gaara stares at him with eyes like golden coins with pupils shaped like the North Star, so much distrust and distaste floating in his glare that Lee stops moving in case he attracts hatred. But that isn't even the part that is giving Lee pause, it's _him_. Aside from his head, which reminds Lee of a raccoon – mask, ears, and all –, he's got a basic human shape but his skin looks and feels like sand beneath Lee's touch and blue-black markings scroll across his entire body including his long, barbed tail. Serrated teeth are bared at Lee and claws grip his upper arms, about to throw him off, but he flattens his wings to the ground and refuses to move.

If he is honest with himself, which he always is, he just doesn't want to take the chance of losing his vantage point. Lee usually gives into trust very easily but he has this feeling that fighting now and making friends later is his safest course of action at the moment.

Now that he has Gaara under him (for the moment), he might as well take that first step into the uncertain seas of camaraderie. "Hello, my name is Lee."

"Lee…" growls Gaara. "Get the fuck off me."

"You have yet to tell me your name!"

"You already know it," he snarls.

Yes, Lee knows that he knows it, but the point is to introduce themselves to each other! It serves a purpose! Lee isn't sure how it does that yet but he _knows_. "Humor me."

"I'm not here for your entertainment."

"I, I know that! I mean, goodness, can you please just give me your name yourself?"

"It's pointless, you already know it."

"But _you_ did not tell me!"

"_Fine_! It's Gaara. Now, _Lee_, get the fuck off me."

He scrambles off of the creature and Gaara rolls to his thick hind feet. Lee's wings flutter unsurely before he folds them tightly to his back.

Tobi hums pleasantly. _I feel this is the beginning to a beautiful relationship, how about you two? Well, I know I do._

.

When it comes to collecting a soul, the question is never as simple as "Has this being been naughty or nice?" There are hundreds of things to consider such as, would everyone had done the same thing if put in this individual's place? Is this person guilty by association? If this woman/man/creature/child is not aware that their actions are bad, are they themselves bad? Is there such a thing as a horrible crime done with good intentions? If this person thinks they did right, did they? This person thinks they are evil but really they're not but does self-belief put him/her/it here or there?

That is why Heaven and Hell (so many other names, but let's stick with those ones for now, yes?) made the joint decision after the Egyptian fiasco and the centuries they took to sort that out – because, honestly, those weights were rigged – to put together one angel and one demon per team to decide where a soul's rightful place is.

Is this person damned or is this person saved? That is what Gaara and Lee have to decide together.

The problem is that they're not working together as of yet. Gaara, as a demon, looks for evil in an individual's heart (or, considering what planet they are on, whatever thereon functions as the heart or whatever is considered to house the soul or wherever or whatever the soul is considered to be) and Lee, as an angel, likes to see the good in things.

They haven't reached that middle ground more seasoned cells have and their tug-of-war over the deceased is causing both Her and Him serious headaches.

_We could always pair them up with an older couple and let them see how they work._

**I hate to agree with you, but I really want this to stop. Can you believe this? I've got fucking Beverly Allitt up here!**

_I think I can say in all honesty that Valentin belongs with you._

**DAMN IT, this is going to take forever to fix!**

_It could be worse, couldn't it? This could be Egypt all over again._

**DON'T remind me.**

.

Lee knows Hinata. She is the shyest, most gentle angel Lee has ever had the pleasure of meeting. And experience has aged her much fast than Lee. Put on earth, she would have come across as roughly seventeen years old whereas Lee looks like he has barely passed eleven. As they're not really physical bodies as much as spiritual manifestations that take whatever form is more convenient to their location, they really just take up whatever appearance they feel as. Hinata obviously is beginning to feel, just beginning to feel, the weight of the universe on her shoulders like an impatient future to come.

Lee has actually supposedly aged five years since first meeting Gaara. He has never been outside of Heaven till he was assigned his partner and his new knowledge has made him a few inches taller when he chooses to stuff himself inside a skin.

As it is, he is happy to just let his wings out, a form of his Grace that is basically an angel's life force, and mingle with Hinata who very happily mingles back and their wings tangle together.

Gaara remains off to the side with another demon that looks like a big distorted shadowy fox to Lee.

"Who is that?" Lee asks Hinata.

"That is my partner, Naruto." Lee feels her smile and blush through her Grace and a shiver runs through his feathers as she turns towards her partner with more than just comradeship in her pale eyes (the eyes are the mirror to the soul and the same is said for their Grace and maybe it is a bit strange that they're practically beings of blinding light with wings and eyes randomly thrown into the equation). That isn't allowed. Heaven and Hell do not allow that thing.

_That thing_, right there, where she is obviously in love with her partner. A demon and an angel. No one ever bothered to tell Lee why that isn't allowed, but all of his superiors made very sure to make certain that he knew that it is a big no-no nonetheless.

"And who are you with?" Hinata goes on to ask, as if she hadn't just given herself away. She could have her wings clipped. She could end up on the nearest planet, stuck in whatever form is an intelligent organism there, or she could die.

But Hinata is Lee's friend and he can't even, won't even, imagine that fate for her. Love is love, isn't it? Lee won't hold it against her. He smiles back and says, "Gaara. I do not think he likes me much, but I will find my way into his favor before the End of Time! YOSH!"

Hinata laughs. "Good luck, Lee."

.

Gaara and Lee are more or less forced to watch from the sidelines as Naruto and Hinata approach a very confused, very hostile soul somewhere south of the Milky Way on a planet that has mostly just exploded on the poor thing. There are hundreds of other teams retrieving the other souls and two very large, very scary looking collectors are there as well, taking away the soul of the giant star. Yes, even the planets have souls.

Naruto sniffs it and Hinata waits back for a moment. Except Hinata is of the Heavenly light and Naruto has a dangerous fiery aura that scares the soul right to Hinata where it tries to, much to Lee's horror, steal into her wings and chew on her Grace.

Naruto gives an almighty roar that makes the galaxy freeze and the soul disintegrates into cinders and ash that float aimlessly in the busy sky. That soul was obviously not due for Heaven.

They crash land on Saturn's belt among the weaving rocks and Naruto holds the shivering, shocked Hinata close to his chest. Lee understands her pain. Their Grace is who they are. If they had had physical bodies, what that soul had just done would be like if it had eaten Hinata's arm and leg while she watched.

"DO SOMETHING!"

It suddenly occurs to Lee that Naruto is screaming at _him_. His red eyes are on _him_. Abruptly, it's up to _him_ to save the day. Lee startles because this has never happened before. He looks up at Gaara whose ear twitches towards him but otherwise stares at Naruto.

"Damn it, isn't she your friend? I don't know what to do, I'm not an angel, _what the Hell do I do_?"

Lee admits that there really isn't anything he can do. So he gulps and reaches out for Gaara's hand because this is going to hurt. A lot.

Gaara frowns at the appendage of light but he takes it in one hulking palm. Then Lee reaches out to Hinata with his wing.

At first, there is no pain. As it is, his Grace appears to just flow seamlessly into Hinata's wound and melt them shut. But then the external harm is healed and his Grace is tugged deeper to her core where it counts and he's being ripped at, torn apart, and he screams as Hinata, never meaning to, not even knowing what is going on, does about the same thing that soul had done to her.

This damage will heal on its own, however, because angels are rewarded for their selfless acts and Lee is selflessly saving Hinata's life whereas when Hinata's life had been endangered, there had been no conscious thought to give or help or offer. Her wounds would have festered till _someone_ offered.

All angels are taught these things in their moment of Creation.

.

Hinata burns brightly when she "wakes up", which is a term that demons and angels use lightly because they never sleep and so never wake but there are those rare moments where they come back to after an incident like now.

She looks at herself, at her relieved Naruto, and then at Gaara, who is holding a small pebble of an existence in the cradle of his own clawed hand. "Is that… Is that _Lee_?" She covers her mouth in horror. "Oh, Lee, I am, I am so sorry, s-s-so sorry…"

"Hey, he's alright, isn't he?" Naruto yelps.

"W-w-well, yes, b-but…" her light cries feathers that flitter on through the universe on the current of gravitational force. "he's so young to have to go through that sort of pain."

The pebble of a life glows dimly. It almost seems like Lee gives a small, small smile from within himself, but then the tiny wings fold over the ember and Lee "sleeps".


	2. As well as over our heads

In earth years, it takes them roughly ten before they can leave Hinata and Naruto behind them, though with promises to stay in touch, to reap their own souls.

Lee knows better than to assume that the good in everyone's heart can come out in death and Gaara has come to see his partner as more than just a nuisance that he can't get rid of. They are not quite invaluable to each other yet, but they are close friends to the point where they will spar together given the time and Lee can get Gaara to smile every once in awhile. Lee can compress himself into the smallest atom of matter possible and rest, not "sleep", in Gaara's eye if he feels the want to and Gaara can become a grain of sand and contemplate the strange things that he contemplates in the safety of Lee's light.

So, yes, they are very, very, very close friends.

They are also very, very, very close to a soul that does not have the urge to go to any version of Hell or any section of Heaven.

"I'm not ready to die yet," the man named Uchiha Itachi whispers hoarsely. His chest moves weakly, something rattling in his lungs, and a thin trail of blood leaks out of the corner of his mouth. His eyes are blind and they stare through Gaara and Lee as if he can see them when he can see nothing else.

Uchiha Itachi, even with his want to live a little longer, is already a confusing enough soul. On one hand, he massacred his entire family, minus his little brother, knowing that it was an unacceptable thing to do. On the other, his doing so stopped World War III from ever happening. And he does, honestly, love his baby brother. There isn't a mean bone to be found in the weakening body of Uchiha Itachi.

As a matter of fact, he's practically ninety percent love.

Itachi's husband leans forward, looking confused, tired, and mostly heartbroken yet melancholy. "I know you're not." The man has tattoos of gills on his cheeks and there is the slightest tint of blue to his skin.

"Cyanosis," Gaara growls. "His blood is low in oxygen."

Gaara always manages to just know these things and Lee flips open his databook and writes it down so he too shall know it. His databook is actually nothing more than a piece of abyss and his pencil is a thread of Grace. At least he will never run out of space.

"What is wrong with Itachi?" Lee asks.

"Lung cancer."

"What's that?"

"He has tumors in his lungs."

"Is that bad?"

"It's bad enough that we're here."

He concedes to that. "Did the lung cancer make him go blind?"

"No, that's part of his family genetics."

"Okay." Lee flaps his wings around him and Gaara as they watch Itachi watch them, his husband trying to get his attention back.

"Why is that man being so persistent?" Gaara rumbles after a moment, transforming beneath Lee's feathers. For the Shinto religion, his form will hardly be appreciated.

"They're married," Lee says solemnly.

Lee can't explain why he knows some things about their souls and Gaara knows other things. It has just always been that way and always would be, he guesses.

"Itachi?" Itachi is taking his last breath. Lee and Gaara stir, at the ready, because the best time to judge a soul is after it leaves the body. It's like taking a product out of its box, you can't be sure just how perfect something is by looking at the display, you have to _see_ it. "Baby? C'mon, baby! Remember, you're not ready to die! DAMN IT, Itachi, come back! BABY?"

It's too late. Itachi is standing over his husband and his body and he's _seeing_ them with perfect clarity. Lee stares at this man who knows he is guilty, wants to go to _Yomi_ for the things he has done, but Lee also knows that he isn't guilty. He has done unbelievable things, but this is one of those times where the reason why he did the crime is far stronger than the crime itself.

Lee smiles and reaches out with a hand that is still mostly a child's, though he could pass off as fourteen. "Hello, Itachi. My name is Lee and I would like to take you home now."

"Home?" The Uchiha looks down at him. His hand finds the red thread of fate tied to his finger that leads to his husband and pets its frayed edges. "My home is here, thank you, Lee-san. If it's all the same, I'd like to wait till my husband and brother can join me."

Lee retracts his hand and nods. "YOSH, that is perfectly understandable!" Gaara shoots him a look that says he clearly disagrees. "Would you like to wander the world aimlessly as you do so or would you like for me to lead you to the waiting room?"

Itachi glances back at his husband who is cursing life, death, fate, cancer, and everything else he can find to blame. "By 'wander the world aimlessly', do you mean I can stay by their sides?" A man runs into the room who is also an Uchiha but it takes Gaara saying it in a hiss for him to catch a name. _Sasuke_. This is the baby brother. He looks at the body of Itachi and he looks undecided. First there is nothing and then there is horror. Gradually, there is pain. But Itachi is the man who left him as a child with no explanation for the crimes he had done and so the hesitations are only expected. "If that is what you mean, then I would like that first option, please, Lee-san."

Lee nods. "It is a date then! Another five years and you shall see us again!"

Itachi goes rigid. "Five years? Both my husband and brother?"

"I am sorry, Itachi, but Sasuke is going down a very bad road now and Kisame was never a good man to begin with, no matter how much you two loved each other. They will be killed within the next five years for the same reason you killed the rest of your family; for the good of Mankind." And Sasuke will "lose his way", as they classically say when someone stops believing in religion.

Itachi shudders. "So when they die, they will go to…" he glances at Gaara who, looking like a rotting human body attached to thin black wings, nods. Lee doesn't add that "they" will only be a "he". Itachi will learn soon enough.

Lee hangs his head. He can't imagine what it must be like to give up so much just to find out that it isn't enough. That it was never enough. "You are the only one who will get to rest with the _Kami_."

"… How can I change my destination?"

Lee sputters. "Pardon?"

"Godhood sounds too clean and innocent for me anyway. Reassign me to your friend over there and then leave me be till it's time to collect us all."

"I do not think it works that way…"

"Lee," Gaara barks, "let him do what he wants. It doesn't affect us."

"Listen to Shinigami-san, Lee-san," Itachi seconds. "It doesn't affect _you_."

Lee ages ten years that night as they leave, but they leave without a soul nonetheless.

.

Her name is Haruno Sakura and she tries to beat Lee over the head for making her leave her boyfriend Sai alone in the hospital, unsure of what he's supposed to feel but very much aware of the pain in his heart as Sakura slips away in her sleep after she jumped in front of a car to save a child.

Gaara snarls but otherwise lets the woman vent because she is very much Lee's problem and Lee, despite actually feeling marginally in pain, also feels great compassion for the woman.

When she tires herself and subsides long enough to take a step back and frown at them, she asks, "Why don't I feel like crying? I mean, I was going to propose to that emotionally retarded asshole and now here he is and that's my body they're carting out… this is the hospital I work at. There's my best friend Ino and my mom and my dad… But I don't feel sad."

Just murderously angry, they know.

"When you die," Lee hums, "you somehow know that from either end of the tragedy, your side or theirs, that everything is going to be okay." He rocks back on his feet and pretends not to notice the "that doesn't explain _anything_" glare Sakura throws at him. "That is the reason, right, Gaara?"

"That's the most unhelpful reason I've heard yet."

"_Thank you_, Gaara. I knew you believed in me."

.

Kaguya Kimimaro is not evil. Yes, he has fallen into evil hands and he has done evil things, but he would have just as easily done good things had someone pointed out the way to him. But that doesn't change that he has done evil things.

Kaguya Kimimaro is dying of osteosarcoma. Luckily for Gaara and Lee, he believes in reincarnation without also being in Buddhism. So, really, all they have to do is wait for him to die, lead him around for a little bit, and then he will settle into a newborn body.

Have you ever seen an infant that is born not breathing? But then after a few moments of intensive care they come through and everyone is relieved? This is most likely a case of reincarnation where the original soul has died and someone else has moved in, like a crustacean moving from shell to shell.

This is what is supposed to happen with Kimimaro.

Except he doesn't want to go. No, he still thinks he is needed too much on earth to leave, not even in the humble sense that Itachi thought he was needed. He doesn't know that his employers never cared for him, that they all but left him for dead in the end, and he refuses to believe that no one visited him in his last few days of life simply because they didn't want to.

Lee reaches for his soul, about to take him by the hand and walk him around the universe once or twice till he finds where he is supposed to be, and Kimimaro strikes.

Lee is nearly impaled on the soul's arm, which is literally nothing but bone. His disease had made him look at himself differently and so his soul shares his view and has a skewed appearance, like a skeleton plus a few dozen more parts and a face.

Lee would have been impaled… if Gaara's tail had not grabbed him in time, that is. Lee is coddled in the appendage as Gaara takes a protective stance… protecting _Lee_. The angel feels something strong flow through him, something that makes him think he might be… but that would be bad. And this is not the time to think about that.

But Gaara is guarding him. Even if this isn't the time or the place, Lee feels a blush of happiness spread through his Grace.

"I wasn't done," Kimimaro sobs. "I WASN'T DONE! THEY NEED ME! PUT ME BACK _NOW_!"

Lee's wings shiver and curl around himself and Gaara. The feeling is suddenly not as strong as this soul's pain. "We can not."

"You've made a mistake, I can't die, I can't die now!"

Lee thinks of what he told Sakura. How she wasn't said because she knew that everything would be okay. Kimimaro hasn't had that same epiphany, he sees. Then again, his life has never been okay. Lee hopes, as Gaara traps the soul beneath his hand and waits for him to see reason, that his next life will be better.

.

Gaara and Lee see Hinata and Naruto again about the same time they go back to collect Itachi and his family.

"Yeah, we're here for Uchiha Sasuke," Naruto yips. "I don't know, he _might_ make it up."

Lee shakes his head. "We have met him. If that man goes to Heaven, it will be the worst mistake made since Gaara put Valentin in Hell."

"I apologized for that."

"And I appreciated it, just as I apologized for Beverly," Lee coos back to Gaara.

"But… we're the ones who have to judge his soul," Hinata hesitantly inputs, riding on Naruto's back as Lee flies by Gaara's side. "We'll keep in mind what you two are saying, though."

"We saw into his heart and the things he wants to do. We have even seen the aftermath of some of his actions." Lee shakes his head. "You are right, however. It is your call. Good luck!"

.

Lee has never seen ghosts make love before. It is an experience he isn't sure how to explain. There are two globs of human spirit and they are meshing into one another on the ceiling as Lee and Gaara watch, the first in shock and the second in boredom.

Finally, in his shinigami form, Gaara calls attention to them. "We're back."

Itachi and Kisame, his husband, swirl into being in front of them. "Yo, Shinigami," says the blue-tinted man who looks more like a shark now than before his death. "I guess we're finally going down, huh?"

"Yes," Lee says. "We will lead you to Yomi where you will be punished for the wrongs you have done in life and where horrifying monsters will eat you under a bleeding sky."

"Cool." Kisame stretches, though it is hardly necessary. "You ready, baby?"

Itachi is looking over his shoulder toward the horizon. Lee knows what, or who, he is looking for. "Sasuke 'lost his way', Itachi. He will not be joining us."

"What will happen to him?"

"Well…" Lee rocks back and forth on his heels. "As someone who is Atheist, his soul will be collected and then thrown into a plain created of his own life, sins and virtues. There will be no God or Devil there and his only company will be his memories, the good and the bad."

"So it will be like we are with him, Lee-san?"

"If he chooses to remember you, yes."

"… Thank you."

Lee smiles. "No need for that, Itachi. Now, are we ready to depart?"

Itachi looks up at Kisame who looks down at him. "You sure you wanna come to _Yomi_ with me?" Kisame asks.

"It sounds like it would be more entertaining than where I would go otherwise." Their hands come around each other and hold. Lee becomes fascinated by the red thread that dangles from their fingers.

"Then I guess we're ready!"

.

"I can't get this fucker off me!"

Lee and Gaara watch on as Naruto bucks and kicks and snarls and claws, but there is no getting the filthy soul off his back.

In all honesty, this is the strangest form Lee has ever seen a soul take. How a person sees themselves is represented by the form they possess after death. There has been more than one occasion where he has taken a cat to heaven in the form of a watchdog or a child who decides that he or she is a horse. One time, a man thought he was a tree and he and Gaara had had to hoist him up, roots and all.

This man has grotesque wings like clawed hands and a black star-shaped marking is on his nose, lips dark and fangs pointed, and his black and golden eyes are framed by a fall of dusty black hair. His skin isn't right either.

And he isn't letting go of Naruto for anything. Not even for Hinata who is trying to pry him off, zipping around as Naruto tries to dash from dimension to dimension to galaxy to break the hold the soul has on him.

"So this is Sasuke…" Gaara's ear twitches and his tail comes around Lee's waist to hang limply off his hip.

"I suppose so! He has a really strong grip, does he not?"

Naruto literally goes up in flames and still the soul of Sasuke holds fast to him and his nine tails.

"He will have to let go at some point."

"Yes, but I do not think he plans to do so anytime soon." Lee lays a wing across Gaara's shoulders. "Do we help or should we continue on to the next soul?"

"If they can't handle him by themselves, they'll let us know." Gaara uproots himself and goes off towards Mars. In the core of the planet, burrowed like moles, a funeral is taking place.

Lee follows.


	3. Quote by Henry David Thoreau

Their duty becomes anguish when someone decides to do a summoning circle.

It happens suddenly, Lee has no clue what is going on, but one moment Gaara is there and the next he's jerking away from him, like someone's tugging on a leash that's connected to him, and then he's gone in a whirl of sand.

Lee freezes. "Gaara? … Gaara! GAARAAA!"

.

He finds him at a Children's hospital. The problem with this is that the Children's hospital is sinking in a swirling mass of sand and all the doors and windows are blocked out with the desert soil.

Lee can hear the screams of the children, the doctors, the nurses, the visitors, the patients – all of them can be heard_ in his head_. There is no blotting it out, it's too loud, and he cries crystal tears that turn to feathers as he watches the destruction of human life.

Demons are not murderers. Neither are angels, unless they are at war. In eternity, a demon will tempt, collect, torture, but they will never kill. Why should they? Everyone will die on their own in their own ways and demons and angels live as long as there are places to go in the afterlife. There is no need to interrupt the process for selfish reasons.

Demons are not murderers. And Gaara _is not_ a killer. But someone here obviously is and they're using Gaara for this act of pure and unmentionable evil and desperation. Lee stands there, watching, wearing a human form of dark skin, dark hair, and the darkest eyes, and feathers made of pure white Grace float on the wind.

"Gaara… who is doing this to you?"

It doesn't take long for him to get an answer. The top two floors of the hospital explode in a fiery display of sick pleasure and Lee can, just barely, hear someone laughing.

"HOW DO YOU LIKE ME _NOW_, SUNAGAKURE, UHN? NOW WHO'S ON TOP, UHN? I AM!"

Angels are not as kind and gentle as folklore foretells. When it comes to righteous fury, even demons will cower. Lee spreads his wings. May Mother forgive him, but he might become a murderer yet.

.

His name is Iwa Deidara, and, in the end, Lee doesn't kill him. Lee goes up… and Deidara comes down. Over the edge of the building, that is. The floor had been shifting beneath his feet and when Lee turned up, wings spread behind him, angelic rage in his expression, Deidara laughed himself silly and slipped.

Gaara is not bound to serve the dead. Lee knows the exact moment his forced service is over because the building goes still and sunlight filters in as the windows and doors come uncovered. And then, in a whoosh of sand, he is there at Lee's side.

This is the first time Gaara has ever looked so human to Lee. It's surprising to see that he's so pale and his hair is so red and his eyes are so light. Lee feels like his complete opposite. But then all he feels is pain.

There is a collar secured around Gaara's neck, twigs and bones wrapped in red leather, and the Japanese symbol for "love" has been carved into his left temple like an artist's signature. "Gaara…" Lee opens his wings and brings them around the demon, reaching out and ripping the collar off of him. It burns his hand. "Oh, Gaara!"

The only signs of Gaara's true demonic self are the thick raccoon mask and his tail. The latter wraps around Lee like a steel bar and Gaara roars, _roars_, with fury and rage and hatred in his voice, against his throat.

Demons are not meant to be controlled. Demons are not meant to be pets. Demons are not murderers. And though the same can be said about angels, it isn't Lee who was hurt here.

"Come along, Gaara, into me now. I will hold you close and safe." Lee smiles as Gaara wordlessly dissolves into a single grain. Lee's skin dusts away until he is what he truly is and Gaara homes himself in his light. The collar drops to the ground and melts into black goo.

He takes a moment to rest in the familiar sensation of a life force within his Grace. And then he disappears. There is much work to be done here and many souls to lead to where they need to be.

And Deidara is waiting.

.

Someone sees Naruto and Hinata making love on earth.

Gaara and Lee stand in a hall that has no definite shape and the length of it is longer than Time. From here to beyond forever are rows of demons and angels held in tense silence as She and He preside over them and wait.

Crouched before them are Naruto and Hinata, chains of pure light clinging Hinata's wings to the ground while they are both held in the shape they were found in – human. Hinata has lilac eyes and long silky hair with the curvaceous body of a maiden. Naruto has golden blonde hair and sky blue eyes and the only hint to his demonic identity are the six total whisker marks on his cheeks and his fanged snarl.

_I thought you knew this wasn't allowed?_

**What were you two THINKING? You know better than this, you both do! Hinata, you… you I really can't believe, you were always good at following the rules.**

Hinata ducks her head ashamedly and Naruto roars to his feet before twisted black energy forces him back down. "Some rules are just meant to be broken, aren't they? What's so wrong about it, huh? Love's love and I don't understand what your issue against it is!" He manages to twist his head around to meet Hinata's teary eyes. "I love Hinata and she loves me! There's nothing wrong about it!"

"Naruto…" She reaches out for him, as far as she can, but her fingertips fall a hair width short from meeting his outstretched hand.

Lee has to look away because this is more heartbreaking than anything he has ever seen.

_Of course love is just love BUT ~ love isn't just love when it's between a demon and an angel. That's an imbalance of power and what happens if you two have a child, hm? Well, bad things of course! Worlds will be destroyed, wars between Me and Her will start, and you two will be entirely at fault. Do you really want to put us all through that?_

"We don't have to have kids!" Naruto barks. "Fuck it, _I_ don't even need to be a demon and I know she loves me enough to give up her angelhood."

No one makes a sound but suddenly the hall is nothing more than noise. Not many couples through the ages have ever said anything so daring and promised such sacrifices. Gaara disintegrates into a single grain of sand and homes himself in Lee's light in the general location of where the human heart would be. Lee holds him there because this closeness keeps him comforted and he doesn't want to face the verdict alone.

Hinata and Naruto stay quiet, staring at each other. Hinata inches her wing forward, feathers ripped off by the chain as she does so, but she manages to cover Naruto's hand with it nonetheless and she smiles like that is all she could ever want. Naruto smiles back.

_You say that now but not many can actually stick to their words once they're put in the mortal realm._

… **I don't know… Heh, you two ARE the best team we have and, hell, if this is what's making it happen…**

_You can't be serious._

**Why not? I'm not in the mood for stripping wings.**

_What about all the others that have been punished for this same crime? How is this fair to them?_

**They're dead by now. If they managed to hold onto the person they sacrificed for in life, they got to stick with them afterwards anyway.**

_I object to this!_

**FINE! Damn, we'll come up with some conditions. Alright, you, fox brat, I want… how about one? Yeah, one other demon that's willing to sacrifice the same you are for the sake of an angel. If you can, you two can keep working and we'll stop getting in the way of angel-demon love affairs.**

… _I can agree to that._ Tobi leans back and Lee can't see it but he knows He is smiling behind His mask.

Demons are monumentally much more selfish than angels. It isn't that they are created that way but living in Hell would do that to even an angel. There is so little to go around and the instinct for survival will drive them to do many bad things. Naruto is one in all who would ever give up his powers, his ranks, his demonic form, for the sake of love.

_If you can't find one other demon that shares your view by… oh, let's say by the time the Jubas wake up? Yes, well then, if you can't find one other demon that's willing to give up everything by then, I will personally make you your own realm of Hell where you can think about what you've done._

"What about Hinata?"

**Eh, I'll let her get back to work.**

"Deal!"

"Naruto!" Hinata looks at him desperately. "No, it's, it's okay, Naruto, please, no… If, if he fails, send me to Hell with him!" She looks at Tobi with so much hope and pain and Tobi only laughs at her.

**You're running out of time, fox brat! Get moving!**

And his chains shatter.

.

Lee is surprised when the person Naruto tackles is him. "Where's Gaara? C'mon, Lee, be quick, where is he?"

"Naruto, I do not think now is the time you should choose to have a chat! Do you _know_ just how long it is till the _Juba_ people wake up?"

The _Juba _people are on a planet very, very, very far away. So far away are they that they are nearly within burning proximity to their own sun and the planet is so small and rocky that the sunlight nearly reaches around its circumference all at one time. The entities that live there have adapted to the melting temperatures and sleep most of their day away until they reach that one small point of night.

That would be a good thing except their rotation, in human time, takes only about four or five hours depending on the season and they are already halfway through their sunlight.

"Yeah, that's why I'm _here_! Now where _is _he?"

Gaara worms his way free of Lee's light and a whirlwind of sand mounts up to be him in his demon form. "Don't you dare, Naruto."

"Do not… what? Gaara, what is going on?" Lee looks between them, confused.

"I've got to, man, you're my only hope."

Something inside of Lee shatters. "Oh… _Oh_… So… Gaara, you love an angel? … I… I see." He tries to think of who it could be. The pain that twists through him makes it hard and he doesn't understand it.

"Lee…" Gaara shifts to look at him. "… Yes."

"That is… That is so great! I mean, I am so happy for you… I mean, good luck! YOSH, may you help Naruto achieve true peace."

"Yeah, he's going to have to!" Naruto snarls and then he does something Lee never expected.

He shoves him right into Gaara's chest. Gaara's tail swishes and nearly knocks Naruto off his feet, but the blonde comes back full force and puts a hand on the back of heads.

"Naruto, what are you d-" Lee's wings flutter in shock.

It's an uncomfortable fit, Lee basically has no face and Gaara's face is kind of pointy towards the edge of his muzzle. But Gaara tastes like smoke, ice, sand, and copper all in one and Gaara… Gaara doesn't push Lee away, he drags him closer. His tail wraps possessively around his waist and Lee feels the shudder that runs through him.

When they finally separate, Lee finally understands the term "breathlessness". He's currently suffering from it. He doesn't even _breathe_. "G-Gaara? You…?"

"You didn't even _notice_?" Naruto scoffs. "Geez, I kind of thought you two were just dancing around the issue, I didn't think you two didn't _know_!" He scratches the back of his neck. "Well, guess now's better than ever! So just admit it you two!"

"I… I… It was that obvious?"

Gaara jerks and his ears press forward. "Lee?"

He smiles and circles his arms around Gaara's shoulders, crushing the demon to him. "I have loved you since the time you saved me from Kimimaro. You really are kind and gentle, even if you do not know it, and I become happier every day that we are together!" He flushes. "Even though I was not planning on admitting to my feelings as of yet. I, I was most certainly _going to_, no matter the consequences – no, _damn_ the consequences – but… well… I did not want to take the choice away from you and have you stripped of your demonhood."

Naruto is bouncing on his heels. "Come on, come on, come on, come on… Just say it back, would you, Gaara? Fuck, if _I've_ noticed, then you might as well give in now, you stubborn asshole!"

The demon licks his lips slowly, throws Naruto away with a powerful whip of his tail, and curls his fists into Lee's hips. "I… wouldn't mind."

"W-what?"

"I said I wouldn't mind!" Gaara fixes him with a deep look. "I'd rather be with you with your strange habits and your infectious smile then stuck in this job with anyone else. Because I…" Lee's wings wrap around them, soft and powerful against their temporary skin. Gaara puts his mouth to Lee's ear. "Because I love you too."

_You knew about this, didn't you? It hasn't even been ten minutes, damn it!_

**Hey, I keep tabs on my kids. Maybe you should too.**

_This is why I stopped gambling with you millennia ago._

**Hah!**

.

Gaara and Lee are somewhere south of the sun near Jupiter. The mystery that is life has tossed a poor Martian off his planet and into the sky. The bad news is that this Martian is evil and his own evil experiment is what had him shot off Mars. The worse news is that he's a shameless flirt.

In rough Martian dialect, he basically asks Lee to bend over.

In the universal language of "He's mine", Gaara basically crushes him into oblivion with his tail.

"Gaara!"

"What? He's going with me anyway."

"That is not the point."

Gaara brushes his shoulder affectionately against Lee's. "It is to me."

.

Author's Note: Three things inspired this: the doujinshi _White & Black_ by Misasagi Kumiko that can be found on Mangafox, the doujinshi _Three Wolves Mountain_ by Naono Bohra that can also be found on mangafox, and the story _Animal_ by Darkalbino on Fanfiction. After I read Darkalbino's story, I was reminded of the doujinshi and then I just… Exploded with creativity.


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